


The Peter Principle

by ConnieBailey



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:30:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23330182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConnieBailey/pseuds/ConnieBailey
Summary: I was impressed by the multi-layered relationship between Tony/Peter Iron Man/Spider-Man in the Marvel films. I wanted to write a fic that explored Tony's feeling about how his life changed after meeting Peter. It could easily have become Starker, which I adore, but it went another way. I hope you enjoy my musings and silly sidetracks with various MCU characters. There's no explicit sex. I saved that for the sequels: For Pete's Sake and For the Love of Pete. Thank you for reading!
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 15
Kudos: 25





	1. Part One

Part One

“He’s just a kid.”

Those four words had rarely left Tony Stark’s mind since the day he’d made contact with Peter Parker. He knew, better than anyone, what Spiderman was capable of, yet those words were a constant refrain to any thoughts on the subject. And it wasn’t as if Tony could stop thinking about him. He’d drawn the kid into his world, and now he was responsible for him.

Tony hated being responsible. Almost as much as he hated having no choice. And this was definitely a no-choice situation.

Tony sighed as he looked away from a hologram display and caught sight of the view from the top floor of Avengers Tower. Fifty-nine-floors was a long way up. A fall from the deck would be fatal, but Tony wasn’t worried. The bracelet on his wrist could deploy a fully functioning suit of flying armor in less than three seconds. He’d been working on shaving off a little of that time, when he’d been distracted by… what? His thumb and forefinger toyed with the vibranium stud in his ear as he tried to regain his train of thought.

Tony drew breath to ask JARVIS to call Miss Potts, but then he remembered Pepper wasn’t there, might never be there again. She’d been mad at him before, and rightly so, but this time…. Tony fetched another deep sigh, admitted that he was making up work to fill his time, and dismissed a hologram with a flick of his finger. He should be trying to think of a way to get Pepper back. It wasn’t like him, but maybe he should seek advice.

He opened a drawer and removed something that looked like a wizard’s tie-clip, three inches of incised gold inset with small blue and green jewels. It grew warm against his palm, as he wrapped his fingers around it and thought a message into the void. He was instantly answered. A voice spoke between his ears, as clear as using Bluetooth.

“How may I help you?”

“Hey, discount Lucifer, got a minute?”

A circle of whirling sparks appeared in front of Tony, and then Dr. Strange stepped through the portal. Tall and slender, he was dressed in a well-cut suit of charcoal gray instead of his arcane robes. Tony was glad not to see Strange’s cloak. That particular piece of outerwear had a mind of its own, and it wasn’t overly fond of him.

“You didn’t have to make a house call,” Tony said.

“You shouldn’t have that communicator… and I didn’t care for the tone of your voice.”

“Too sarcastic?”

“No, that’s what worried me. You sounded lost.”

Tony made a show of looking around. “Nope. Still right here.”

Strange was not above rolling his eyes, but he saved the expression for special occasions, not wanting to lessen the effect with overuse. He contented himself with further arching an already arched eyebrow. “If I’m not needed, then I’ll—”

“Whoa, Prince of Snarkness. Can we talk?”

“I believe that’s what we’re doing right now.”

Tony chuckled weakly. “Fair point. Drink?” He turned toward the bar. “I need one.”

“If you have tea….”

“Of course, I have tea. I have all the tea. This might not be Stark Tower anymore, but I’m still paying the bills, so we’re fully stocked with everything.”

“A cup of barley tea would be lovely, thank you.”

“JARVIS!”

“Yes, sir?”

“We need one cup of barley tea.”

In the kitchen area, a burner came on under a kettle of water. A cabinet door swung open. “You’ll find the canister of barley tea on the second shelf of the tea cabinet, sir,” JARVIS said. “I believe you know where the cups are kept.”

“You have a lot of faith in me,” Tony quipped.

“Someone has to, sir.”

“Thanks, JARVIS. Buh-bye now.”

Tony reached down a cup and found the barley tea. Strange took the canister from Tony’s hand and sent him to the bar. In a few minutes, they were seated with their drinks.

Tony watched Strange inhale the steam from his cup. “Your eyes are the same color as smoke,” he observed. “Kind of a bluish silver.”

“Congratulations. You’ve managed to surprise me. Now, what did you want to talk about?”

“You’re wise, or enlightened, or whatever you call it.”

“I know one or two things. Ask your question.”

“Why can’t I get Pepper to take me seriously?”

This deserved at least a subtle eyeroll. “You’re joking.”

“I’m not. She’s gone and I’m afraid this time it’s for good. She won’t even talk to me.”

“And you want my advice.”

“Yes.”

“Very well.” Strange paused. “There is nothing you can do.”

Tony stared at Strange. “That’s it?”

Strange shrugged… elegantly, of course. “Until she’s ready to see you, anything you do will be unwelcome. If your goal is to annoy her, by all means, blow up her phone.”

“Did you just say...? Never mind.” Tony looked down into the amber liquid in his glass.

“What do you see?” Strange asked with nothing sharper than curiosity in his tone.

“Single-malt whisky.”

“And nothing more?”

“You’re the one with the tea leaves.”

Strange set down his cup. “I don’t think I can help you.”

“Oh, come on. Surely, even I am not beyond the help of such a mighty wizard.”

One corner of Strange’s lips twitched. “Some light bulbs would rather stay dim than be changed.”

“Yeah, because then the dim bulb gets thrown in the trash.”

“I see analogies are of no use here.” Strange rose to his feet… gracefully, needless to say. “Is there nothing you can’t twist from its proper shape?”

“It was a bad analogy. Just admit it.”

Strange relented. “Perhaps I didn’t think it through.” He peered into Tony’s eyes. “You’re genuinely hurt.”

“And scared.”

“Yes.” Strange tapped his forefinger against his chin. “I would do anything within my power to help you, but—” He paused. “Miss Potts is not uppermost in your thoughts, though her absence is related to the real issue.”

Tony stared at Strange, depthless eyes wide with astonishment.

“I would suggest you deal with the paramount problem before you present yourself to Miss Potts. I think the resolution of the first issue will have bearing on the second.”

Tony shook his head. “What does that even mean?”

This called for a full-on rolling of the eyes. “Very well.” Strange cleared his throat. “In deference to the vernacular—deal with the thing that’s farthest up your butt and you’ll stop being such an asshat all the time, which I’m sure your lady will dig.” Strange’s fingers moved in a complicated pattern and a portal appeared.

“Wait!” Tony stepped toward Strange.

“Yes?”

“What’s my major damage then?”

“You’ll figure it out. By the way, I’ll take that communicator back now.”

Tony smirked as he shoved it down the front of his jeans. “It’s yours for the taking.”

Strange frowned as he stepped backward into the portal. “Then I suppose I’ll be seeing you again.” The portal closed and took him with it.

Tony picked up his glass and drained it. The whisky shared its will-o-the-wisp warmth, but it was gone so quickly. “JARVIS, have you been playing with the thermostat?”

“Of course not, sir.”

“Why do I feel a chill?”

“I thought being chill was desirable?”

“Never mind.” Tony took his glass to the dishwasher. “Unless you have some relationship advice for me.”

“I wouldn’t presume, sir, but if I may suggest… You once remarked that May Parker had a good head on her very attractive shoulders.”

“Did I say that?”

“Yes, sir, and a good deal more besides.”

“That will be all. No, wait. Prep the Lotus. I feel like going for a drive.”

“I’ll set the GPS for Ms. Parker’s address, sir.”

As Tony maneuvered the fine automobile from Manhattan to Queens, he spoke with Happy. “So you’re telling me there are no disasters imminent?”

“I know. We should call the Guinness book people, right?” Happy sipped the marvelously crisp lager that perfectly complemented the prosciutto and fresh mozzarella pizza he was enjoying for dinner. The sound was muted on his ginormous TV, but he could still see what the competing bakers were doing. Maybe he should pick up some cardamom tomorrow.

“Hap, are you there?”

“Sorry, Boss. What else can I tell you?”

“Does May Parker have plans tonight?”

“What?” Happy sat up straight on the couch.

“Relax, I’m not going to ask her out.”

“Don’t do that to me. That shit’s not funny. My heart’s still pounding.”

“Calm down, drama llama.”

Happy glanced at his tablet screen. “As far as I know, the Parkers are home alone.” He paused. “The kid’s slippery though.”

“You noticed that too?” Tony cut off a cab and made a sharp right to sound of a blaring horn.

“Yeah, I noticed that.” Happy mimicked Tony’s wise-ass voice. “Don’t forget that he’s awful smart too. You might have the edge right now because you’re older, but he’s catching up to you.”

“Pfffffffft.” Tony made a face.

“Time flies, Boss. He’ll be eighteen next week.”

Tony was jolted but didn’t let it show in his expression or his tone. “I knew that.”

“Sure, you did.” Happy glanced at the TV. “ _Forchrissakes, lady,_ who taught you how to fold egg whites?”

“Excuse me?” Tony pulled over to the curb in the Parkers’ neighborhood.

Happy cleared his throat. “Pepper made the arrangements for a birthday party months ago,” he said. “Everyone she invited RSVPed already.”

“Why did I not know that?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s because you don’t read memos.”

“So why do people keep sending them to me?” Tony got out of the car and locked it.

“Hope, I imagine.”

“Hope?”

“That one day you’ll become a reasonable, considerate human being like the rest of us.”

“Ouch! That’s hurtful as well as unrealistic.” Tony’s gaze traveled up the brick façade of the apartment building. The lights were on at the Parkers’. “I gotta go now.”

“You got a present picked out or should I—?”

“Pepper didn’t buy one?”

“I think she must have thought you’d like to handle this one yourself, Boss. Give it a personal touch, you know?”

“Bye, Hap.” Tony broke the connection. He stepped off the curb, and his teeth clicked together when the street turned out to be a bit higher than expected. He blacked out, except that he was still conscious. He just couldn’t see anything.

“Sorry about that.”

Tony knew those smooth, silky tones, that vibrant baritone. “Loki?”

“Can’t you see me?”

“I can’t see anything. I assumed I was hit by a truck and died. The afterlife is pretty much what I expected, by the way.”

“Bother. I was assured that this spell would— Just a moment.”

Tony blinked as light flooded his eyes. He looked around at the featureless stone walls and floor, the vaulted ceiling. “Where am I?”

Loki smiled disarmingly. “I suppose you could call it a sort of holding cell.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Tony glared at Loki. “Why am I here?”

“You’re here because I wished it so.”

“And why would you do that?”

Loki smirked. “God of Mischief. Hello?”

“All right, but how did you… transport me?”

“If I tell you, I won’t be able to do it again.”

“Thor’s right; you’re a real bite in the ass.”

“He would know.” Loki took a step toward Tony. He wasn’t trying to be menacing, yet somehow, he was. It wasn’t just his height, feline bearing, or striking features; he carried with him an air of all things dark and sinister that waited in the shadows to pounce.

Tony took a step back. “I like you right where you are,” he said.

“Don’t you want to know why I brought you here?”

“No, I sure don’t.”

“I need your help to—”

“So, you’re going to tell me anyway?” Tony sighed. “What do you need from me, Mr. Elphaba?”

“Get me out of this room.”

“That’s it?”

Loki nodded. “Once outside this chamber, all my powers will return, and I’ll have no more need of you.”

“Fantastic.” Tony tapped his bracelet. In a blink, his Iron Man armor formed around him.

“That was impressive,” Loki said. “Sometimes, I can almost fathom what my brother sees in you talking monkeys.”

“I’m flattered.” Tony raised his hand and a beam of energy shot from his palm. The polished marble shattered into shards and dust. He gestured to the large hole.

“No, please,” Loki said. “After you.”

Tony climbed over the rubble into a hallway full of golden light. Every surface gleamed as though gilded. “Who in the hell captured you? And why?”

“A bit late for questions like that.” Loki put an arm around Tony’s metal-clad shoulders. “You wouldn’t like them much. They have golden skin and think they’re better than everyone else.” He laughed softly as Tony tried to shrug his arm off. “Say goodbye.”

“Goddam—” Tony’s imprecation was cut off as he and Loki disappeared.

“—it!” Tony was jarred again when the soles of his suit slapped pavement. He spun around to face Loki. “Look, I don’t know who you think you are, but—” He paused. “Let me rephrase. I do know who you are, Low-Key, God O’Mischief, Princess of Asgard. Oh yeah, that’s right, Thor talks about you, but that’s beside the point. The point is that _I don’t care_ who you are. You can’t just jerk people around like that.”

“I see. And how _would_ you like to be jerked around?”

“You—” Tony closed his mouth and opened it again. “Where are we now?”

“You don’t recognize it?”

“No. Quit playing around. I have people to see back in Queens.”

“Isn’t this Queens?”

Tony took another look around at the buildings and something at the nearest intersection of streets caught his eye. “I don’t claim to know every part of New York City, but I’m pretty sure there aren’t any guys like that, not even in Queens.”

“Are you certain?” Loki asked. “No wolfmen at all?”

“Pretty sure.”

Loki peered at the thing on the corner. “That’s definitely some sort of man/wolf hybrid.”

“Great. He’s looking at us now.”

“He looks hungry, doesn’t he?”

“This would be a good time to do some of that magic shit.”

“The problem is that I chose this location from your memories.”

“The hell you say.”

“If you want to take the chance, I can try—”

“Yes!” Tony yelled as the wolfman broke into a run. “Do it now!”

Loki put his hand on Tony’s shoulder and the world telescoped to a set of snarling jaws before it winked out. When Tony opened his eyes, he was knee-deep in swamp water. He could see at least three freakishly huge reptiles closing on them. Suddenly, the suit wasn’t so comforting. “Go, go, go!” he yelled.

This time, they landed on a windswept height that Tony guessed was somewhere in the Himalayas, or another mountain range of soaring, snow-covered peaks. He had the suit to keep him alive, and Loki was a god, so….

“Why do you have these places in your memories?” Loki asked somewhat peevishly.

“They’re not my memories. I mean, they are, but they’re my memories of movies I’ve seen.”

“Well, you couldn’t have memories of movies you haven’t seen, could you?”

“I hate you so much right now.”

Loki’s cloak billowed in the freezing wind and slapped against the leather of his tunic. His sable hair streamed like ink across his crescent smile. “Nonsense, you find me charming.”

Tony cocked his head to the side. “Okay, you got me. I do think you’re charming when you aren’t trying to destroy the Earth.”

“And handsome, yes?”

“You are kind of pretty in the right light, and I did have a thing for Goths back in the day.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Do you understand getting me back to my car?”

“Yes, of course, I got distracted.”

“Sheesh.”

“I think I need to touch your skin.”

“Say again?”

“Could you just raise your visor? I think I need to make contact with your skin for this to work properly.”

Tony’s mask retracted. “Good enough?”

“Indeed. You’re more than kind of pretty.” Loki smiled. “Don’t think about movies,” he said and touched his fingertips to Tony’s forehead.

Tony did his best to banish Wolfen, Crocosaurus, Mummy 3 and their cinematic ilk from his mind, and then it went blank. When color and sound returned, the wind and cold were gone, as was the suit. Tony woke in the familiar surroundings of one of his favorite Manhattan bars. On the other side of a tiny table, Loki managed the feat of lounging on a chrome barstool, boneless as a cat.

“You’re getting warmer,” Tony said. “Too bad this place closed two years ago.”

“Give me something recent.” Loki stretched out his hand.

Tony didn’t flinch this time. He closed his eyes and relaxed, and he remembered that he’d been troubled and restless. He opened his eyes in his super-secret private quarters atop Avengers Tower. He stood with Loki on the deck of the prow that jutted from the skyscraper.

“Here we are, I should think.” Loki’s cape and hair did that flowy thing.

Epic and sexy were the two words that came to Tony’s mind before Loki spoke again.

“Did I get it right this time?”

“So close. Just about an hour too soon.”

“That’s close enough.”

Tony shrugged. “I get it. You’re not a perfectionist.”

“Oh, shut up.” Loki sulked sexily for a few seconds. “Give me your hand.”

When Loki let go of Tony’s hand, they were on the sidewalk across the street from the Parkers’ apartment building. Tony applauded. Loki bowed, unironically.

“Thank you for your help,” Loki said. “Of all my brother’s highly unsuitable friends, you’re my favorite.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

Loki grinned. “I want to give you something that’s supposed to bring good luck.”

“I could use some.”

Loki took hold of Tony’s jaw and dipped his head to touch his lips to Tony’s. Tony steadied himself to endure the kiss, but to his surprise, it wasn’t the least bit unpleasant. Loki’s lips were warm and silky, and Loki’s tongue was gifted. And Tony was aching for a little warmth.

“There,” Loki said as he released Tony. “A kiss from the God of Mischief.”

Tony swallowed the unanticipated sense of loss. “I feel lucky already.”

Loki gently touched Tony’s cheek. “So bitter, yet so sweet,” he said softly. “Shall I stay? Or perhaps you’d like to come with me, after all.”

“Tempting,” Tony said honestly. “But I have some messes to clean up.”

Loki’s grin was the last bit of him to fade away. Tony looked up at Peter’s window and then stepped off the curb. He had a horrible moment of déjà vu, but the street was right where it should be. And so was his crushing guilt, the guilt he never allowed himself to acknowledge.

“He’s just a kid,” he whispered.


	2. Part Two

Tony woke and had a disconcerting moment of disorientation. His right hand rested protectively over his heart, the light of the mini arc reactor glowing through his fingers. It took a second for his mind to clear and realize he’d fallen asleep in a lounge chair with his feet higher than his head. Groggily, he reached for the controls and lowered the recliner.

“What the hell was I drinking?” he murmured. He had a brief flash of May Parker’s face, her expression frozen somewhere between surprise and what he interpreted as pity. What the—?

Tony got to his feet and stood swaying slightly, as his brains sloshed against the inside of his skull. It was not a pleasant feeling, but it wasn’t a hangover, he decided. This vague sense of _wrongness_ was quite different from the dull, grainy, grinding, full-body headache and whimsical nausea of a hangover. It felt more like he’d fallen hard and was dealing with the effects of the impact, every molecule shaken up and… discombobulated was the word that came to mind.

Abruptly, Tony went still, every sense straining to catch whatever faint sound had alerted him. “JARVIS?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Do we have company?”

“Yes, sir. In the kitchen.”

Since JARVIS was unconcerned, Tony walked into the large kitchen area in his robe as he did every morning. The timer on the coffeemaker had done its job; the smell of roasted nuts filled the air and his favorite mug of the moment sat ready on the counter.

However, this morning Steve Rogers was leaning against the counter looking implausibly handsome and impossibly wholesome as he scooped a spoonful of Cheerios into his mouth. His wheat-gold hair shone like the promise of the rainbow and his pellucid eyes were as blue as heaven. The sheer solid breadth and height of him was almost too much to take in, even in a plain white T-shirt and khakis instead of his uniform.

“Make yourself at home,” Tony mumbled as he poured a cup of coffee.

“Is he awake?” Bucky walked in from wherever he’d been, saw Tony, and his expression sobered into his default scowl. “Good morning, Mr. Stark,” he said.

“You don’t have to call me that, you know.” Tony took a sip of the coffee.

Bucky unclenched his jaw. “I want to.” His gaze went to Steve. “Did you tell him?”

“He just woke up,” Steve said. He set his empty cereal bowl in the sink. “I thought I’d give him a minute.”

“He does look kind of rocky.” Bucky gave Tony the dubious benefit of a direct stare.

Tony grew quickly uneasy under that visual examination. He’d been looked at like that once on a safari in Myanmar. He’d taken some pretty amazing photos of the tiger, but as soon as he’d put the camera down, he’d become chillingly aware of how easily the big cat could have taken him out. However, it had turned and faded back into the jungle. He didn’t think he could count on Bucky to do the same.

“Well, he _is_ a playboy,” Steve replied to Bucky.

“Hey!” Tony glanced at Steve. “How about talking to me instead of around me.”

“Guess we could do that.” Bucky smiled at Steve, a little smile that conveyed a wealth of meaning. The kind of smile shared between people who know each other so well that words aren’t necessary.

Steve cleared his throat. “I’ve got some bad news.”

Tony, who’d just sat down at the breakfast table, looked up in alarm. “Are we in danger right now?”

A small crease appeared in the middle of Steve’s flawless forehead. “What?”

Behind Steve, looming like a thunderhead on the horizon, Bucky shook his head. “Not that kind of bad news,” he said.

Tony relaxed a little. “Hit me,” he said and took another sip of coffee.

“We won’t be able to attend Parker’s birthday party,” Steve said. “I know I sent Miss Potts an RSVP, but our plans changed.”

Tony turned sideways in the chair so he could face Steve. He hooked an arm over the back as he looked up. “You’d better have a good excuse for Miss Potts. You don’t want to get on her bad side; trust me on this one.”

“Understood,” Steve said. “But it can’t be helped.”

Tony dropped his arch tone. “I wouldn’t worry,” he said wearily. “I don’t even know if she’s going to show up.”

Bucky and Steve had another silent exchange, and then Steve spoke. “That sounds serious.”

“Truthfully, I have no idea if she’s ever coming back.”

“What’d you do?” Bucky blurted out. “Sorry. None of my business.”

“You’re right,” Tony said. “So, where are you going that’s better than a Tony Stark party?”

“Almost anywhere,” Bucky muttered.

“He’s talking so well now,” Tony quipped to Steve. “You must be so proud.” He ignored Bucky’s glare or at least pretended to. That alpha beast glower wasn’t easy to disregard. He could tell himself Bucky’s ominous demeanor was the shield of a suffering soul, but it still put his hair up and sent him into fight-or-flight mode.

“We’re going hiking in the Sierra San Pedro National Park,” Steve said. “Down in Mexico.”

“Hiking? Really. For that, you’re missing Peter’s eighteenth?”

“Well, that and finding a Hydra nest. There are rumors of one near Diablo Peak.”

“Sounds about right.” Tony set his cup down. “Anything I can do to help?”

“It’s a SHIELD operation, so you’ve already helped plenty. All the micro-equipment we’ll be using came from Stark Industries.”

“It’s nice to be appreciated.”

Steve cleared his throat again. “So… you okay?”

“Not at all, but it’s my problem.”

Steve glanced at Bucky and read his expression in a heartbeat. “Because we could hang around for a while, if you thought it might help.”

Tony’s grin didn’t reach his eyes. “I can’t even muster the energy to pick on you. Get out of here and catch some bad guys.” He gave a wry salute. “And while you’re out there beating the bushes, remember to stop and smell the homoeroticism,” he said, just to watch Steve blush.

Steve rubbed his warm cheek. “Same to you, Stark.”

Tony’s smile this time was genuine. “Drop in anytime. You’re always welcome.” He glanced at Bucky. “And your little dog too.”

“Wizard of Oz!” Bucky exclaimed.

Steve chuckled. “It does feels good when you recognize something from your own time, doesn’t it?”

Now Bucky was blushing in embarrassment. He nodded without meeting Steve’s eyes. Steve put an arm around Bucky’s shoulders as they left the apartment.

Tony found a box of Pop-Tarts in a cabinet and eased one down into the toaster. He gazed out over Manhattan as he waited for the so-called pastry to pop. He juggled the hot rectangle from hand to hand until it was cool enough to eat and then finished it in six bites. He’d had coffee, put something in his stomach, and still he felt empty and oddly restless. He opened his mouth to ask JARVIS to call Pepper and then closed it with the words unsaid.

Tony’s wristband alerted him to a call, and he couldn’t acknowledge it fast enough. Heart beating wildly, he answered. He already knew it wasn’t Pepper’s number, but he hoped she might be calling from a different phone. “Hello?”

“It’s Steve. I forgot to tell you something.”

“Oh. Okay. Go ahead.”

“If you need someone to talk to, Nat is really good at listening, and she’s a sharp cookie.”

“Noted and thank you.” Tony disconnected the call.

He considered calling Natasha Romanov, but then remembered that she was in North Korea. Even if he wanted to discuss his issues on the phone, she was probably in a situation where she wasn’t free to speak… not in English anyway. Too bad. Steve’s suggestion was a good one. Nat was indeed a smart woman, almost as smart as Pepper, but then again, he might have a bias. Idly, he spun his earring as he considered options.

Once again, he saw May’s face, and he remembered going to the Parkers’ apartment last night. At least, he thought it was last night. Everything felt so strange, he couldn’t even be sure what day it was. He glanced at the display on his bracelet and calmed down a bit. He hadn’t lost any time, yet he couldn’t clearly remember what had happened the night before.

Well, that was no problem. His wristband automatically recorded everything. All he had to do was play it back.

Tony voiced a command, but the display he expected failed to appear. He spent several frustrated minutes fiddling with the bracelet before he gave up. All he learned was that the wristband had unaccountably failed to record the period between his leaving the Tower and waking up less than an hour ago. He couldn’t think of a single person with the expertise to tamper with something that never left his wrist.

“Curiouser and curiouser,” he said under his breath, and then, “Unless….”

Tony sighed. Unfortunately, he had no way of detecting whether magic had been used. He wouldn’t put it past Strange to mess with him—in retaliation for the purloined communicator—but it was certainly an odd and random prank.

“Snap out of it, Stark,” he said loudly. “You’re a billionaire genius playboy philanthropist. Act like one.”

“Sir?”

“What is it, JARVIS?”

“If I may suggest—”

“Yes. Yes, you may. You may suggest, propose, recommend or otherwise put forward an idea.”

“Sir?”

“Hate the synonym; love the sinner.”

“Very well, sir. As you still seem quite melancholy, I assume your talk with Ms. Parker gave you no comfort.”

“I wish I knew. I seem to have a gap in my memories, and my wristband stopped recording for several hours.”

“That’s rather worrisome, sir.”

“Isn’t it, though?” Tony raised his arm and sniffed. “I’m going to take a shower. Put my calls through, please.”

“Of course, sir. Shall I disable cameras in the area?”

“Only if you care about my reputation as a sex symbol.”

“I assure sir, he has nothing to be ashamed of.”

“You’d be wrong about that,” Tony said under his breath as he left the room

After a lengthy shower and a change of clothes, Tony felt a bit more clear-headed. As he took visual stock of the refrigerator, he had the wristband call May Parker.

“Hi, it’s Tony,” he said, when she answered.

“How are you?”

“I’m okay. Are you okay?”

“I’m okay. Did you need something? Peter’s not here right now, but I can—”

“No, I was just—”

“I just wondered because it was weird you being here last night.”

“How weird?” Tony asked slowly.

“It’s not like I mind you visiting. You class up the neighborhood. I just never expected you to show up in your Iron Man suit.”

“I guess I should… apologize?”

“No, not at all. It was just a surprise, you know? But I figured it was a gag because of, you know, Peter’s birthday and all.”

“Yeah.”

“Too bad it backfired but no harm, no foul, right?”

“Backfired?”

“It was nothing. You just startled me. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“May, did I say anything to you about Miss Potts… Pepper?”

“No, you just flew up to our window and reminded me about the party. You seemed pretty disappointed Peter wasn’t home. You told me I looked, let me get this right, you told me I looked fierce as a Morrigan and then you flew away.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty weird.”

“What’s a Morrigan?”

“A goddess. Thank you, May. I’m sorry I bothered you.”

“It’s never any trouble. I can tell you’re hurting right now, but it’ll get better. Don’t ignore the pain, but don’t let it stop you. You’re a good man, so I know you’ll do the right thing.”

Tony blinked his tears away. “Thanks. TTYL.”

“Take care.” May hung up.

“Well damn,” Tony said. “I still don’t know what happened, and I damn sure wasn’t wearing the suit last night.”

He spent a couple of hours dealing with things that couldn’t be handled by anyone else, except Pepper, of course. His stomach reminded him that all he’d given it today was black coffee and a toaster pastry. For once, he listened.

Tony had just finished his version of a chef’s salad—random items from the refrigerator julienned and heaped on a bed of greens—when his communicator chimed. “Hi, Jane!” he said with unfeigned delight.

“I need to borrow your arc spectrometer,” Dr. Jane Foster said without preamble.

“Most people borrow cups of sugar.”

_“To_ ny.” Her tone made his name into a threat.

“Of course, you can use it. Have you had lunch?”

“Yes, I have. I’m outside the lab. Can you let me in?”

“Didn’t Pepper send your new badge?” Tony said, before he remembered she was going to do that this week. “Hang on.” He muted Jane and asked JARVIS to open the instruments lab. “You still there?”

“I’m in,” Jane said. “Thanks.” She paused. “Can my friend wait with you? Science bores him.”

“Are we talking about your big, blond friend, junior exec god at Asgardcorp?”

“Well, I’m not sure he’s a junior anything, but if you mean the fearsome God of Thunder, wielder of lightning and the hammer Mjolnir, Odinsson, Prince of Asgard, then yeah.”

“He can hear us, can’t he?”

“Roger, Tower.”

“Send him up. Stark Day Care just opened for business.”

Tony abandoned any pretense of working and prepared for Thor’s arrival.

“Would you like a beer?” Tony asked when he let Thor in. The jeans, boots, and vintage Jane’s Addiction T-shirt Thor wore couldn’t disguise a physique too perfect to be merely human.

“Does a bilgesnipe smell of rotting meat?”

“No idea, thank all the gods. Follow me.”

Tony took two bottles of Kviek Norwegian ale from the fridge and filled a large stein. He brought the mug to the bar and set it in front of Thor.

Thor took a long drink and then nodded his approval. He took a moment to weave his long, flaxen hair into a loose braid to keep it out of the ale before he drank again. “This is a _brew_ ,” he said as he lowered the stein.

“I’m glad you like it. I imported some from Norway, just in case royalty stopped by.”

“Why are you not drinking with me?”

“It’s a little early, but why not?” Tony poured a short shot of brandy. “Gods and fuck-ups don’t have to follow society’s rules.”

Thor chuckled but stopped when Tony didn’t smile. “What have you done?” He leaned closer, encouraging Tony to confide in him. His bright blue eyes narrowed, and the look of mild concern on his face hardened into a scowl.

“Whoa!” Tony shouted when Thor grabbed his wrist and yanked him closer.

Thor stuck his nose in Tony’s hair and inhaled loudly.

“Seriously, what the fuck?” Tony said.

Tony didn’t dare deploy the suit with Thor’s fingers wrapped around the wristband, and without the suit, he couldn’t stop Thor from doing as he pleased, so he stayed still and prayed Thor wasn’t having a psychotic break. He breathed a sigh of relief when the God of Thunder was done sniffing him.

“What the hell was that?” Tony asked when Thor let go of him.

“Loki.” Thor took a drink of ale. “You reek of him.”

Tony cocked an eyebrow. “I gotta know. What does secondhand Loki smell like?”

“You should know, considering how close you must have been to get his scent on you.” Thor held up a hand that was used to calling down lightning. “But he smells like cold water on hot iron, honeysuckle at dawn, and cat fur.”

“Sounds right, but I haven’t been anywhere near your brother since he turned down my offer of a drink a few years ago.”

“Whether you know it or not, he has touched you very recently.”

“Stop saying that.”

“Calm yourself. I am not judging you.” Thor took another drink. “Loki is clever enough to trick even you.”

“You’ve lost me.”

Thor spoke slowly. “Loki had his way with you… I assume.”

“What? No! No way! Why would you assume something like that?” Tony exclaimed. But was he really that sure? He fiddled nervously with his earring as he struggled to remember the missing hours. What had happened between the time he left the Tower and his appearance outside May’s window? Which he didn’t remember either.

Thor looked puzzled. “He didn’t ravish you? Odd. I could have sworn— Do you have more of this excellent ale?”

Tony opened two more bottles. “Actually, full disclosure, I don’t remember everything that happened last night. I know I drove to Queens but the rest is a blank until I woke up here.”

Thor nodded sagely “Loki’s had you then.” He winked as he picked up the stein. “It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

“Why are you talking about this like it’s a common occurrence?”

“I’ll grant you, not so much these days, but right up through your Middle Ages, my brother was a notorious seducer.” Thor winked again. “And make no mistake, he’s a seducer, not a ravisher, if that’s what you fear. I was but making a jest.”

“It’s absurd, ludicrous even.”

“It isn’t though.” Thor drank more ale. “If you think about it.”

“Just so we’re clear.” Tony drank his shot in the spirit of keeping up, man-wise. “You’re telling me that Loki seduced me last night.”

“That is what I’ve been telling you, yes. Is it me, or did you used to be quicker?”

Tony ignored the dig. “Have you seen Loki recently?”

“The last I heard of him, he was being held for ransom by the Sovereign. They’re a rather vain race that you’ll probably encounter in the future. I’ve no idea what Loki did to offend them.” He chuckled. “But he probably seduced their Queen… or King.”

“I, um….” Tony’s words trailed off as he cleared his mind in an effort to entice an elusive memory. Blurry images hovered at the edges of his consciousness but refused to resolve.

Thor poured more brandy and held the glass under Tony’s nose.

Tony snapped out of his near trance. “I can almost remember, but it won’t come into focus.”

Thor slapped Tony on the shoulder, nearly sending him to his knees. “It’s not your fault. Loki no doubt rid you of those memories, if he’s staying true to form. However, even his magic cannot remove the emotions attached to those memories. I hope it is not too painful.”

“No, on the contrary. I’m frustrated that I can’t remember, but the feelings are quite… pleasant.”

“Yes.” Thor nodded. “He’s gotten good at it, I should imagine. Much better than when he practiced his wiles on me anyway.”

“What?”

“How many times must I repeat that he’s adopted?”

“Until it’s enough, I guess.” Tony drank the second shot of brandy. “Let’s say I believe you.”

“It’s the truth. My father and mother adopted Loki. We are _not_ related by blood.”

“Right, right, but I was talking about the seduction thing.”

“Sorry. I get a little touchy about this subject.”

“I would never have guessed. Now, let’s say I believe that Loki is a serial.... I’m sorry, I can’t keep saying _seducer_. It’s ridiculous, like gigolo.”

“Some people call him the Trickster.”

“Yeah, well some people call me the space cowboy. So, I guess there are a lot of dumb nicknames floating around.”

“Stop avoiding the issue, little one.”

“Oh, you did _not_ just call me little one.”

Thor shrugged. “Compared to me, you are very small. And you are still avoiding.”

“Jane says that to you a lot, doesn’t she? The thing about avoiding.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what is the point, Viking Ken?”

Thor frowned incomprehension, but he couldn’t be offended by what he didn’t understand and so took it as a compliment. “Deal with the root of your woes.” He gave Tony a heartening slap on the cheek.

Jane arrived just in time to see this. “I can’t leave you alone for five minutes,” she said. “Why are you slapping Tony?”

“So he will know I am fond of him.”

“I see,” she replied in the tones of an indulgent mom of a precocious preschooler. “Are you ready to go home?”

“Goodbye, Tony Stark,” Thor said. He walked to where Jane stood by the door and beamed a smile at her. “He called me Viking Ken.”

“Oh, he did, did he?” Jane gave Tony a wicked side-eye.

“It was meant as a compliment,” Tony said quickly.

“I don’t see how, but we accept your apology. Thanks again.” Jane was out the door before she finished speaking.

“She’s my ride,” Thor said apologetically. He hurried to catch up with Jane.

And Tony was once again alone.


	3. Part Three

“Are you sure this is the right way, Mr. Stark?”

Tony turned from the view of pine forests that fell away to the valley in bands of varied green. _Was this the right way? Where was he?_

Peter Parker appeared around a boulder that forced a jog in the path. He stopped beside Tony and looked over the edge of the cliff. “Wow. I had no idea Mexico looked like this.”

“Mexico,” Tony repeated softly. They were hiking in Mexico. He felt a chill and looked around for lurking danger.

“Mr. Stark?”

Tony turned to look at Peter. His uneasiness ebbed. He felt nothing but pride as he gazed at this remarkable young man. He met Peter’s earnest brown eyes. “What is it?”

“I’m not sure we’re going the right way.”

“Do you trust me?”

Peter’s gaze never wavered. “Of course, I do. What kind of crazy question is that?”

“Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, you shouldn’t put so much faith in me?”

“Why are you asking me that?” Peter laughed. “You aren’t going to push me off the mountain, are you? The insurance isn’t worth it.”

“No, I just meant— Do you hear a helicopter?”

Peter looked up and pointed. Safe in the cove of boulders, he and Tony watched a small, sleek helicopter dive toward them. No pilot would attempt to fly this close to the rock face. They were wrong about that as it turned out. The craft was highly maneuverable, and the pilot obviously had no nerves whatsoever. As the helo whipped around in a sharp 180, they saw a man dangling from a rope ladder. Tony touched his wrist, but his wristband was not there.

“Run,” Tony shouted as the man on the ladder swung toward them.

As the man reached the apex of his arc, he threw a grappling hook on a chain. One of the large hooks wrapped around Peter’s upper arm, and he was pulled off his feet and dragged toward the edge of the cliff.

“No!” Tony launched himself at Peter and got hold of his right ankle. “You can’t have him!”

From this distance, Tony could see the symbol of Hydra on the stranger’s jumpsuit. He could also see the determined look on the man’s face as the pilot gave the craft more thrust. Peter cried out as the prongs of the hook dug into his flesh. He was just a few inches from the edge and sliding fast. Tony knew he couldn’t match the power of the helicopter, not without his suit. Not without tearing Peter in half. What good was he?

“Mr. Stark, let me go,” Peter whimpered.

“I can’t.”

“You have to. It hurts too much.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Peter gripped the hook tightly as he was pulled over the edge to drop to the limit of the chain’s length.

The man on the ladder barely kept his hold, but he managed as he was slowed winched up. Tony watched, sick with helplessness, as Peter was hauled into the cabin. In another few seconds, the helicopter was a speck against the endless blue of the Mexican sky. Tony fell to his knees as a sob ripped out of him, the sound of a heart being torn in half.

“Oh, dear, that was intense.” Loki stroked Tony’s brow. “Wake now.”

Tony opened his eyes. He focused on Loki and scrambled to his hands and knees. Never taking his eyes off Loki, he scurried to the other side of the enormous bed.

“Oh my God, Thor was right!” he said.

“If you didn’t like that dream, you can’t blame me. Blame your anxieties.” Loki extended a hand. “Come. I’ll give you a better dream, though I must say that one was quite revealing.”

“What are you doing to me?”

“You’re easily agitated. No wonder you have nightmares.”

“Why am I here? And more importantly, _how_ am I here?”

“I brought you here, of course. Now, please, come here and sit down.”

“No.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“Are you kidding?”

“What is it you think I’m going to do?”

“The same thing you did before you wiped my memory.”

“That wasn’t my intention. It was your wish.”

“What a load of divine crap. You se— Oh god, I’m going to say it. You seduced me.”

“No, I didn’t. I tried, yes, but all I got was a kiss.” Loki smiled silkily. “I long to taste you again.”

“Seriously, where are we?”

“My bedroom.”

“I said seriously.”

“I heard you. This is my bedroom.”

Tony looked around at the shadowy walls and ceiling. “How big is it?”

“As big as I like… assuming you’re speaking of the dimensions of the chamber.”

Tony ignored the implied innuendo. “Do you intend to keep me here against my will?”

“You’re usually more fun than this.”

“You’ll have to forgive me. I’m going through kind of a rough patch.”

“I know, and I’m doing my best to distract you. Are you thirsty? I can offer you literally anything.”

“You know, I am a little dry. May I have some water?”

A goblet that looked carved from an enormous emerald appeared in Loki’s hand. He offered it to Tony.

Tony sniffed the clear liquid and then took a drink. As far as he could tell, it was cold spring water. “Thanks.” He looked down. “Why am I dressed like this?”

“Oh, I did that. It pleases me.”

“You have a thing for the Three Musketeers?” Tony waved his arm making the full sleeve ripple.

“There is nothing that does not hold some attraction for me,” Loki answered.

“Are you saying everything is beautiful in its own way?”

“Not exactly. And you’re free to go whenever you like, but I hope you’ll keep me company.”

Tony reflected for a moment. If he went home, he’d be alone with his thoughts. If he stayed… he had no idea what might happen, and that in itself was reason enough. He’d always found Loki intriguing—dangerous and inimical, sure, but also very intriguing.

“I’ve got a few minutes,” Tony said.

“Excellent!” Loki smiled his most charming smile, the one he saved for moments when he was genuinely delighted at getting what he wanted. “Please sit.” He gestured invitingly.

Tony looked in the direction Loki indicated and saw two very comfortable looking chairs facing each other across a table set with wine glasses and hors d’oeuvres. “That’ll work,” he said.

Loki poured red wine from a silver pitcher and pushed a glass closer to Tony. “I wouldn’t drug you,” he said. “That’s no fun at all.”

“Okay, but just to ease any lingering tension, could you clearly state your intentions here?” Tony tugged at the crotch of his tight leather pants, hoping to give his bits some room to breathe. “Please?”

“I’m sorry. I thought we were clear on that. I’m trying to seduce you.”

“I appreciate your candor, but also, I can’t help thinking that you’re the God of Mischief.” Tony sipped the wine. “Wow, this is really good.”

“Is it so unthinkable that I find you attractive?”

“I’ve been told I have a very healthy ego, but I’m having a hard time buying the notion that a literal god has the hots for me.”

“Not five minutes ago, I told you I can find something attractive in anything.”

“Why do I suddenly feel so… deflated?”

Loki grinned his hungry wolf grin. “Lay with me,” he said. “You’ve nothing to lose, and you’ll gain a unique experience.”

“You’re really laying it on thick. Do I get a free flat screen TV?”

“There is nothing I can offer you that you cannot get for yourself… except for myself.” Loki held out his hand. “Will you take me?”

For once in his life, Tony Stark was struck without an answer.

“No one will ever know,” Loki said softly.

“Except for you and me.”

“And I can make you forget.”

“You know I’m not gay, right?”

Loki smiled the smile that made him look like some alien but beautiful feline/reptile hybrid. “I know you’re an explorer,” he countered.

“I get it. I’m supposed to boldly go where no man— Never mind.”

“Is the idea of having sex with me so repellent?”

Tony took another moment to reflect as he blatantly looked Loki over from top to bottom. “You’ve got that whole Goth-gunslinger-vampire thing going for you, but I’m not an impressionable teenage girl, so….”

“I love that sharp tongue of yours.”

“You’re not afraid I’ll cut you?”

“The sight of blood has never bothered me.”

Tony smiled. “Look at us. We’re bantering.”

“It’s more like flirting really.”

“You could look at it that way.”

“I do look at it that way.” Loki leaned across the table. “Admit this excites you.” He sat back. “Or don’t. But I can see the gleam in your eyes.”

“You see what you want to see.”

“And you don’t?”

“You know nothing about me.”

“I know your dreams. I’ve been in them.” Loki sipped his wine. “Let’s talk about Peter Parker.”

“Forget it. I’m not talking to you about him.”

“Why not?”

Tony paused. _Why not indeed?_ He couldn’t rationally explain his reluctance to discuss Peter with Loki. “I don’t know. I just don’t want to.”

“Ah, I see.”

“What do you see?”

“A very conflicted man. I’ve never wanted you more than I do at this moment.”

“You’re very odd, you know that?”

“Yes, it’s common knowledge. Now, tell me about Peter. Is he interesting? Is he someone I should notice?”

“No!” Tony said loudly.

Loki smiled the smile that said he’d correctly guessed your secret. “He looks quite young.”

“He’s just a kid.”

“Your protégé?”

“Yeah, that’s a good word.” Tony said snidely. “Is it Asgardian?”

Loki chuckled. “No, we don’t have a word that corresponds to the English ‘twink I’d like to fuck.’”

“Ouch! That was savage, and Peter isn’t a twink.”

“He looks like one.”

“Are you trying to piss me off?”

Loki laughed again. “I _was_ trying to get a rise out of you.”

“Was that bad innuendo?”

“Of course not. More wine?”

Tony held out his glass. “That rough patch I mentioned. I’m having a hard time with it. I can usually dive into a project and forget about a personal problem, but not this time.”

“Are you really discussing your love life with me?”

“Only if you don’t want to.” Tony sipped his wine. “The thing is, no matter what I do, she won’t believe I’m serious about making a commitment.”

“She sounds like a wise woman.”

“I thought you were on my side.”

“Why would you think that? I only want to have sex with you.”

“You’re a real truffle hound, you know that?”

Loki cocked his head to one side. “That’s not a term I’m familiar with.”

“You don’t know truffle hound but you know what a twink is?” Tony said incredulously.

“Let’s say I’m familiar with a particular subset of slang.”

“Okay, let’s say that, but I’m not going to bed with you.”

“Why not? What are you afraid of?”

“A number of things, but frankly, I’m just not aroused.”

Loki licked his lips. “I’m almost certain I can do something about that.”

“Please don’t go to any trouble. This had been… seriously strange, but I’d like to go now.”

“Are you sure?”

Tony studied Loki’s face a moment before he answered. “I’m flattered. I really am. I mean, how many people can say they’ve been macked on by a god?”

“Well….”

Tony slapped his forehead. “Right. I forgot. Thor said you were quite the rascal back in the day.”

“I’m sure he did. He never approved of my… dallying with mortals and look at him now.”

“He’s doing some major league dallying,” Tony agreed.

“And you’ll never hear me complain about it.” Loki cleared his throat. “I’ll send you home now.”

“I’d like to talk to you again sometime. For one thing, your dynamic with Thor is… intriguing.”

“Dynamic. That’s a good word.” Loki echoed Tony’s earlier sarcasm. “It’s also quite complex.”

“Ooh! My favorite thing!”

Loki smiled. “Are you sure you won’t stay?”

“I’m sure, but I wasn’t kidding about talking sometime.”

“Then there’s hope.”

Tony drew breath to reply but it was sucked from his lungs as everything went dark.

The Manhattan skyline by night resembled some fantastic reef made up of phosphorescent creatures. Tony gazed out at the myriad lights as he recovered from his latest trip between worlds… or whatever. He was back in the tower. The poet shirt and Jim Morrison pants were gone. Tony jumped to his feet and went to find a robe.

Clad in pajama bottoms and a robe that had belonged to his father, Tony went into the kitchen to see if he wanted a snack. He wasn’t exactly hungry but being around Loki had left him feeling vaguely… unsatisfied.

“Fuck it,” he said and began pulling things from the fridge, freezer, and a couple of cabinets. He chopped up a chocolate bar and some walnuts, dropped them into a bowl, and microwaved it for thirty seconds. He then filled the bowl with three scoops of vanilla bean ice cream. After heating a jar of peanut butter, he poured some over the ice cream. This was followed by some Hershey’s syrup, several spoonsful of marshmallow crème, and some dried cherries. The final touch was a sprinkle of crumbled chocolate chip cookies.

Tony got a big spoon from a drawer and turned to enjoy his decadent concoction at the table. He nearly dropped the bowl when a shadow came toward him. A split-second later, he recognized Spider-Man as he came into the light.

Peter Parker pulled his mask back. He focused on the Hulk-sized sundae. “Wow, that looks amazing, Mr. Stark!”

“ _What_ are you doing here?”

“The thing is, I was at play practice when you came by last night and Aunt May told me how disappointed you looked and so I tried to call you, but I couldn’t get through, no matter what number I called, and that’s when I thought of the suit and the communicator, so I put on the suit, and once I had it on, I thought, heck, why not?”

“And here you are.” Tony said heavily. “Grab a spoon.”

“Really? Gee, thanks, Mr. Stark!”

Tony sat down at the table and Peter joined him. They dug into the ice cream in silence for several moments before Tony spoke.

“You know, at some point, I’m going to want to know how you bypassed my security.”

“I could tell you now. You see—”

“Bup bup bup bup bup!” Tony waved his spoon at Peter. “At some point, I said.”

“Oh. Okay.” Peter’s smile came and went like a faulty light bulb. “Sorry.”

“No need for apologies. Eat your ice cream.”

“It’s really good. You’re a genius.” Peter licked the back of his spoon. “I mean, melted peanut butter! Pure genius.” He drew his tongue up the spoon again.

A warm tide of emotion made Tony shift in his chair. _What the hell?_ He did _not_ just feel a twinge of arousal. “Fucking Loki,” he muttered.

“What?” Peter looked up from the bowl, a smear of Hershey’s on his chin.

“You got a little somethin’.” Tony stroked his chin and reminded himself to get his beard trimmed. It was sexy af but the damned thing needed constant maintenance, kind of like all his girlfriends before Pepper. If Pepper were here, she’d just reach over and wipe Peter’s chin.

“You okay, Mr. Stark? You look kind of… sad.”

“I’m fine. How’s school?”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Lame.”

“School is not lame.”

“No, but that question was.”

Tony sat back in his chair. “What do you want to talk about? I assume you want to talk about something since you were compelled to break into my apartment at—” He glanced at his wristband. “Um, nine-fifteen? That can’t be right.”

“I kind of wanted to talk to you about MJ.”

“Michael Jackson? He was the King of Pop. Made great music. Lived in pain, by all accounts. Died too young.”

Peter rolled his eyes again. “You haven’t met my friend MJ. It’s short for Mary Jane. She hates her name. Anyway, she’s super-smart and really pretty and we talk a lot about… things.”

Tony smiled. “Are you trying to tell me you have a girlfriend?”

“No!” Peter pushed the empty bowl away. “Not that I wouldn’t like that, but it’s, you know, complicated. Because of the, you know—” He paused. “But you’re Iron Man all the time. You’ve never had to hide who you are.”

“No quite true, but this isn’t the time to talk about my daddy issues. I assume you’ve come to me for dating advice. You want to know how to be a chick magnet like moi?”

“Not exactly.” Peter blushed. “Let’s be realistic. I’m a skinny seventeen-year-old nerd and you’re Tony Stark.”

“You’re also Spider-Man.”

“Thanks to you.”

“No. You were a friendly neighborhood Spiderling before you ever met me.”

“But the suit made me Spider-Man for real. I know I can never repay you for all you’ve done for me, but I hope you know—”

“I know.” Tony waved his hand in a weary gesture. “You’re grateful. I’ve never questioned that.” He took a breath. “And you’re worthy of the suit.”

“Thanks, Mr. Stark!” Peter’s eyes glowed warmly. “I can’t tell you what that means to me.”

“No, you can’t,” Tony answered. “Because you’re leaving now. It’s a school night, after all.”

“Right, but I’d really like to talk to you about what MJ told me. When you have time.”

“I’ll see you at the birthday party on Saturday.”

Peter’s expression said he didn’t know if he could wait an entire day, but what he said aloud was, “It’s so cool of you and Miss Potts to throw me a party.”

“Buh-bye.”

Peter took the hint and left the way he’d come in. Tony put the bowl and spoons in the dishwasher and turned it on. He had a mental image of Peter’s tongue sliding up that spoon and felt that warm surge of emotion again. _Nope._ That did not just happen… again. It didn’t happen, and somehow it was all Loki’s fault.


	4. Part Four

Tony waited until the server set the cups down and walked away before he spoke. “Thanks for meeting me, Bruce.”

“Of course. Anytime. You know that.” Dr. Bruce Banner sipped his coffee. “How can I help?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t let your espresso get cold.” Bruce glanced at the tiny cup. “I’m assuming you don’t need my expertise in radiation, but if this is a personal problem, I’m not sure how much help I’ll be. I’m not exactly the poster boy for the well-adjusted.”

“But you get me.”

“I’m sorry?”

“You know what I mean. You understand me, why I do what I do.”

“Uh no, I don’t. I really don’t.”

“Yes, you do, even if you don’t think you do. I just need you to listen and give me your opinion.”

Bruce looked nervously around. “Why did you pick a public place?”

“I picked this place because Pepper told me you liked their coffee. I’m having a few pounds sent to you.”

“Great.” Bruce drank some coffee. “Is this about Pepper?”

“How’d you guess?”

“The way you said her name just now. It sounded off to me.”

Tony swallowed the lump in his throat. Bruce really did get him. “She walked out.”

“She’s taken a vacation from you before. She’ll come back.”

“Will she?”

“Yes. She loves you.”

“That might not be enough to make up for all the rest of it.”

“I’m not going to sit here and deny that you’re an arrogant, egotistical pain in the ass, but you’ve got a lot going for you in the plus column too.”

“I haven’t spoken with her once since she left. She hasn’t even checked in with her office.”

Bruce sat back. “Whoa.”

“Yeah.”

“So… what did you—? I mean, what happened?”

“I’m not really sure.”

“Well did she give you any clues?” Bruce sounded slightly exasperated. “You wanted to talk to me and now you’re making me pull teeth. I don’t like it.”

“Sorry. You’re right. I’m being a brat.” Tony sighed, turned the espresso cup in his fingers, and sighed again. “She said I didn’t know myself.”

“Does anyone?”

“That’s what I said. It was _not_ the answer she was looking for.”

“That’s it?”

“She also said she couldn’t marry me until I was whole. Of course, I asked what she meant. Apparently, I’m not complete. There’s some part of me I haven’t accepted.”

“Tony.” Bruce sighed. “Didn’t I tell you not to pressure her?”

“Yes, you did, and clearly, you were right, but I can’t let this woman get away.”

Bruce shook his head. “If she wants to go, you won’t be able to stop her.”

“I know that, Professor Obvious. I need to get her back and make her _want_ to stay but how?”

“At the risk of stating the obvious,” Bruce paused. “You need to figure out what she meant.”

Tony stared at Bruce. “Why do you think I called you?”

“Because we’re friends?”

“Exactly. So, tell me. What am I missing?”

“Have you talked to Nat?”

“I didn’t want to bother her while she’s on assignment.”

“I do it all the time.” Bruce took out his phone and called Natasha Romanov. “Hey, Nat,” he said when she answered. “Got a minute? Great!” He handed the phone to Tony. “Tell her.”

Tony repeated what he’d told Bruce. “So, any advice for me?”

“As long as you understand this is just my intuition talking.”

“Stipulated, Nostradame.”

“There have been many times I’ve looked across a laboratory to see you and Bruce working together and there’s something about the way you—” She cleared her throat. “Excuse me. Lot of smoke in the air here. I was just going to say I always had the notion you two were attracted to each other.”

“That’s… I can’t come up with a word to adequately illustrate my feelings.”

“You really ought to work on that.” Her voice sharpened. “Hey! I told you not to move!”

Tony heard the unmistakable sounds of a series of blows and a body hitting the floor. “Nat?”

“Sorry, Tony, but I gotta go. Good luck.”

Tony handed the phone back to Bruce.

“What did she say?”

“She had some off-the-wall theory.”

“Did it involve me?”

Tony nodded.

“Yeah, she has this idea I’m bisexual and attracted to you,” Bruce said. He shrugged. “I don’t think I want to have sex with a man, not even you.” Bruce gave Tony the closest thing to a smirk he could summon. “But when I thought about it, she was right when she said I love you. I’m very fond of you, Tony.”

“Same.”

“So, it would be okay if I showed my affection, once in a while?”

“We talkin’ hugs or what?”

“Definitely hugs.” Bruce shrugged again. “I like hugs.”

“Awesome. Now all I have to do is hug you somewhere Pepper will see us.”

“Um, Tony, I don’t think—”

“Just kidding, big guy. Listen, there are a couple of side issues I haven’t mentioned, but I’m starting to think one of them might actually be a solution instead of a problem.”

“Are you going to tell me?”

Tony shook his head. “I don’t want to upset you.”

“Oh please, I’m not going to Hulk out on you.”

“I know.” Tony patted Bruce’s hand.

“So, tell me what you’re going to do.”

“Nope, but I’ll let you know how things turn out. Best I can do.”

Bruce snorted. “Like heck it is, but I’ll accept it for now.”

“Thank you for coming. This was really helpful.”

“I’m just glad I was in town.” Bruce smiled. “Of course, I wouldn’t miss the kid’s party, but isn’t it nice that Kinky Boots is on Broadway at the same time and I was able to get tickets?”

Tony smiled indulgently. “It sure is. Enjoy the show.”

After a goodbye hug on the sidewalk in front of the café, Tony left Bruce to do a little shopping. He still hadn’t found a present for Peter and the party was tomorrow. He twisted his earring as he trudged along and tried to think of a gift.

All of the things the sprang first to his mind were either impractical or inappropriate or both. He couldn’t give Peter Parker a Lamborghini, for instance. Well, he _could_ , but it was too flashy for the neighborhood and would no doubt incite a crime. A personal jet was likewise out of the question, as was a night at the Playboy Mansion. What _did_ one get for a young man who was brilliant, courageous, and dedicated to protecting those in danger?

Another systemic upgrade to the Spider-suit? No, that would be like putting new tires on his car—if he had one. Hardly a suitable present. A present should be frivolous, something you wanted but would never buy for yourself because of expense or fear of criticism.

A free ride to college? Peter already had that, thanks to his Stark Industries internship. It was all paid for.

An apartment in a better neighborhood? Neither Peter nor May would accept such a lavish gift. If so, he’d have moved them already.

Damn, why was this so hard? Why didn’t he just call Happy and ask him to buy a present for Peter?

Because he cared, that’s why. Dammit.

Tony had done his best to maintain a professional, mentoring distance, but had he succeeded? He had not. The kid had grown on him with his sheer bravery, his puppyish enthusiasm, and his gee-whiz faith in all that was good in this world. Tony smiled as he thought about the times Peter had made him laugh and the times Peter had scared the life out of him, and the perfect gift occurred to him.

Tony picked up his pace. There was a bounce in his step that had been missing for a while. He was just about to tell his wristband to call Happy when the sidewalk fell away beneath his feet.

“Oh, come _on_ ,” he exclaimed as the world around him disappeared.


	5. Part Five

Loki chuckled at Tony’s infuriated expression as the human materialized before him.

“It’s not funny.” Tony straightened his jacket and tucked his sunglasses into an inside pocket.

“Agree to disagree?”

“I did not agree to kidnapping. This is called false imprisonment, you know.”

“You said you wanted to see me again. If the time is inconvenient….”

Tony glanced around. “Where are we this time?”

“Somewhere in the Nine Realms where I am still welcome.”

“Okay, keep your secrets. See you around.”

“Wait! What difference does it make where we are? You wanted to talk. Let’s talk like civilized beings.”

“I’m not sure either of us qualifies.” Tony looked down to his feet. “At least you didn’t change my clothes.”

“I apologize for that indignity. I know you’re not a doll to be played with.”

Tony cocked an eyebrow at Loki. “You do, huh?”

“Of course, I do. If Thor has told me once, he’s told me a thousand times. Humans are not toys.” Loki poured wine and handed a glass to Tony.

Tony sipped. “This the same wine.” He smiled at Loki, who was looking very casual in a drapey black tunic and leggings, barefoot, with his hair flowing free.

“You can be quite charming when you’re being charming.” Loki sipped his wine.

“It’s a gift… along with hyper-verbalism, fear of commitment, and the desire to outdo everything my father ever did.”

“Well… now that the can is open, as you say on Midgard, shall we have a look at those worms?”

Tony blinked. “Are you my psychoanalyst now? Because I already have two of those who I never see. I don’t think I can afford to pay another shrink to not see me.”

“I’m whatever you want me to be. For tonight anyway.”

“Could you be Captain America, but a woman?”

“Of course, but… why?”

“Just a bad joke.”

“Oh. Good.” Loki looked relieved. “I’d prefer to stay as I am.”

“It’s a good look for you. Did you wash your hair?”

Loki laughed softly, leaning forward until his unfettered hair veiled his face like curtains of sable silk. “Yes, I washed it of the blood of my enemies.”

“I like it.”

“We can drink from their skulls, if you like that sort of thing.”

“No, I would not like that, but I have to say—” Tony held up his hand, two middle fingers folded under his thumb, pinkie and forefinger extended. “That’s really metal, man.”

“That sounded like a compliment.”

“Then that’s what it was.” Tony held out his glass for more wine.

“Is your rough patch any smoother?” Loki asked as he poured.

“Maybe. I’m working on it. Getting in touch with my feelings and all that.”

“I find it quite a sensuous experience to wallow in my emotions. You’ve not felt truly alive until you’ve crackled with all-consuming rage.”

“Sure, the high is amazing, but I don’t like the crash.”

Loki smiled. “Yes, mortals can’t sustain a passion of that magnitude for long without burning themselves hollow. It’s one of the reasons I stopped playing with your kind centuries ago. But since my feud with my brother drew me back to Midgard, I’ve found a few you to interest me.”

“Lucky us.”

“The first time we met face to face, with no bars between us, you showed no fear, though you knew what I was capable of.”

“I was scared, but I didn’t want you to know it.”

“Bravo.” Loki moved to sit beside Tony on the low divan. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

“You do have quite a presence.” Tony struggled to keep from scooting away. “A good friend suggested I explore my sexuality. She has the idea that I’m attracted to a colleague.”

“A male colleague, one assumes.”

“Dr. Bruce Banner. I believe you’ve met.”

Loki shuddered ever so slightly. “I’ve met his alter ego, and I’d not care to repeat the experience. Green might be my color, but I prefer to wear it, not be trounced by it.”

“Trounced,” Tony repeated softly. “I believe the word you’re looking for is smashed.”

“We were talking about your attraction to men.”

“Were we?” Tony sipped his wine. “You see, however good her instincts are, I think Nat is wrong on this one. Have I felt affectionate toward men? Sure. As affectionate as I ever feel about anyone anyway, which is to say, not so much. People just aren’t my thing, you know?”

Loki nodded his understanding. “They can be so dull and tedious, can’t they?”

“I can’t believe you named the two things that bother me most. Plus, they die.”

“Yes, that is an annoying trait.” Loki leaned toward Tony. “Your eyes are fathomless,” he said. “They drink in all the light, and I would love to drown there.”

Tony snickered. “Well… that was… poetic?”

“I’ve made love to countless beings. Why am I having so much trouble with you?”

Tony shrugged. “Maybe you’re off your game because you’re out of practice?”

Loki narrowed his eyes in thought. “I’ve been subtle. I’ve been direct. I’ve flattered you, indulged you, and threatened you, but nothing seems to sway you.”

“It’s not you, Skellington; it’s me. I’m just not in the mood to be in the mood.”

“How vexing.” Loki frowned, and then he _changed_.

Tony blinked at the woman sitting next to him. She was a real looker with short, shining hair like wheat fields in the sun. Her eyes were spacious sky blue and her skin was tanned to glowing perfection. She had the body of a showgirl, but her face was pure midwestern cheerleader. It took him just a minute to realize what he was looking at. The red, white, and blue star in a circle on her T-shirt should have been his first clue.

“Jesus!” Tony exclaimed as he jumped to his feet. “Stop that right now!”

“You don’t like Stephanie Rogers? Perhaps this is more to your liking.” The blonde stunner stood up and morphed into an even more buxom woman, a brunette with haunted, haunting blue eyes.

“Please just stop!” Tony shouted.

Loki’s answer was yet another change. Tony gaped at the larger than life beauty standing in front of him like a sun goddess. She radiated sex appeal, among other things. Her hair was golden as a dragon’s hoard and spilled over her shoulders in gleaming waves. Her blue eyes expressed a readiness to laugh and issued an invitation to laugh with her. She had the most voluptuous curves Tony had ever seen. The compulsion to be nearer to her was almost overwhelming.

“No! Look, this is not working, and it’s freaking me out.”

“Just one more.” Loki morphed into a coltish teenage girl with auburn hair and big brown eyes. “Is this better, Mr. Stark?” she said.

Tony swallowed. “It’s still a no,” he managed to say and was vastly relieved when Loki resumed his own form. “Please don’t ever do that again. Especially that last one.”

“Why? Were you tempted by Petra Parker?”

“Who wouldn’t be?”

“But…?”

Tony shook his head. “Not today, Satan.”

Loki laughed. “Oh, I do like you.” His expression changed abruptly, and he looked up. “Did you hear—?”

A door Tony hadn’t noticed opened inward to reveal the figure of the God of Thunder.

“Loki? What are you doing in there? You’d better not be impersonating Father again.” Thor spotted Tony. “Hello. Oops! Am I interrupting something?”

“No,” Tony said at the same time Loki responded, “yes.”

“What do you want?” Loki asked impatiently.

“Now that I know you’re here, I’ll ask you to go the mead hall with me and play some games.”

“As delightful as that sounds, I’m a little busy at the moment, brother.”

Thor cleared his throat. “Perhaps Tony would care to—”

“No, he wouldn’t care to,” Loki said firmly.

“Are you sure?”

“Get out of my room!”

Thor held up his hands. “No need to shout. I’m going.” He glanced at Tony and raised his eyebrows.

“I’m fine,” Tony said. “See you at the party?”

“I would not miss it for the world. Jane is very excited to give young Peter his present.”

“That doesn’t sound at all suggestive,” Loki remarked.

“You have a strange mind, brother,” Thor replied.

“Um, I was thinking it too,” Tony admitted.

“I shall go find men with more decency,” Thor huffed before he walked away.

Loki made a rude gesture at Thor’s back.

Tony snickered. “I’ve wanted to do that a few times.”

“I don’t doubt it. My brother can be insufferable.”

“He means well.”

“Yes, I know. That’s what makes him so insufferable. If he’d just hate me—” Loki stopped speaking in the middle of his sentence. “But you don’t want to hear about our sibling rivalry.”

“Actually, I would love to hear about it.”

“Another time. If you’re not going to fuck me, I need to find someone who will, so, if you don’t mind, I’ll send you home now.”

“Fine, Horny McHorndog. Nice to know I can be replaced so quickly.”

“If it’s any consolation, you were at the top of the list.”

“Oddly, it is.”

“I don’t think I can let you go without one kiss.”

“Then let’s get it over with.” Tony held out his arms.

Loki smiled. “Have I told you that I like you?”

“Come on. Don’t leave me hangin’.”

Loki pulled Tony into his arms, reminding Tony that Loki was taller and quite a bit stronger. After a moment, it became irrelevant to Tony that Loki was male. The kiss was _that_ good. When Loki let Tony go, Tony looked more than a little dazed by the experience. His full lips were ruddy, and his dark eyes shimmered with heat.

“Are you ready, Tony Stark?”

“I believe I am but send me home anyway.”

Loki ran his thumb along Tony’s lush bottom lip. “I could give you such pleasure.”

“I don’t doubt it, but I have personal business to take care of. If it works out the way I hope it will, we won’t have this conversation again.”

Loki leaned in. “Stay,” he whispered, his breath warm on Tony’s ear.

“If you were to tell me that someday I will regret leaving here now, I would agree with you. A part of me already regrets turning down a unique experience, but… As good as it might feel, it just wouldn’t feel right, you know?”

“No, I’m afraid I don’t know.” Loki shrugged. Gently, he removed the vibranium stud from Tony’s ear. “No more unexpected journeys.”

Tony rubbed his earlobe between his thumb and forefinger. “I guess I need some new jewelry. How’d you make the switch.”

Loki just smiled and shook his head.

“Keep your secret then,” Tony said.

“You are a good sport, Tony Stark.”

“Bye. Now go kick Thor’s ass at darts.” 

The sound of Loki’s surprised burst of unfeigned laughter followed Tony home. Sadly, the apartment was silent and empty.

“JARVIS. Any calls?”

“None that Sir need address at this hour.”

Tony’s heart sank a little further. She hadn’t called. “What _is_ the hour?”

“Eleven minutes past nine.”

Still early. She could still call. “Thanks, JARVIS. Continue holding my calls, please.” He didn’t need to add “except for Miss Potts.”

“Of course, sir. Rest well. You have a big day tomorrow.”

“Right. The Party.” Tony walked down the hall to his office and then went to his desk. He pressed his thumb against a pad on a shallow drawer to disengage the lock. Inside were a few small items that were precious to him, unsentimental though he might believe himself to be. He lifted out a small box covered in faded red velvet and set it on the desk. After pushing up the lid, he gazed at the small, shiny object for several minutes, before flipping the lid closed again. The box went into his jacket pocket. Satisfied he had the perfect present, he went to find a snack.

As he was eating a grilled cheese sandwich with garlic pickles, his wristband chimed. He dropped the sandwich and acknowledged the call.

“Babe, I’m really—”

“It’s Rhodey, Tony.”

“Ah… I thought you were someone else.”

“I know. That’s why I didn’t let you finish, as funny as that would have been. I take it you haven’t heard from Pepper.”

“Not a peep.”

“I’m sorry, man.”

“Yeah, me too, but it’s better today.”

“Really?” Rhodey’s disbelief was patent in his voice. “How so?”

“I think I figured out why she keeps leaving, and I’m working on it.”

“You’re working on one of your character flaws? That’s… Tony, that’s… unprecedented.”

“Fuck you.”

Rhodey chuckled. “Keep dreamin’.” He paused. “You really all right? I can come over with a deck of cards.”

“Please don’t.” Tony crunched into a pickle. “Get some rest.” He echoed JARVIS. “Big party tomorrow.”

“Looking forward to it. I like that kid.”

“He grows on you for sure.”

“I’ll go now, but when Pepper gets back, don’t jump her shit first thing, you hear? You give her some space and let her tell you what’s going on, if that’s her pleasure. You get me? Are my words penetrating your brain?”

“Like a swarm of angry hornets. Good night, Rhodey.”

“Sweet dreams, Mr. Stank.”

Tony smiled as he disconnected the call.


	6. Part Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of The Peter Principle, but the story will continue in For Pete's Sake. Thank you for reading.

Tony woke, remembered it was Party Day, and sprang out of bed. He showered, ate breakfast in his robe, and then got dressed. As expected, Pepper had organized everything down to the last detail—except for Tony’s gift.

Tony dipped a hand into his pocket and touched the little box. He would do this many times during the day as he helped direct the workmen and caterers who arrived to set up “the event,” as they insisted on calling it.

Just after lunch, Tony fielded a call from Scott Lang. Scott eventually got around to mentioning the purpose of the call. He wondered if his invitation to the party might have been lost in the mail. Tony asked himself what Pepper would do, and then he assured Scott that invitation must have gotten lost and added him to the guest list.

He managed to get through the day without fucking up, though he was haunted by thoughts of how much better it would be if Pepper were there. However, he didn’t let his melancholy incapacitate him. He soldiered on and looked forward to a time when he could show Pepper what he’d learned about himself, what he was still learning. And he hoped she’d be pleased.

At seven o’clock, Tony went to the elevator foyer that served the top floor of Avengers Tower. The floor indicator chimed as Tony stepped into the hallway. The door slid back, and Steve Rogers stepped out with Bucky Barnes at his back.

“Glad you could make it,” Tony said warmly, as he hugged Steve. Steve was surprised by the warm gesture, but then he hugged back. Tony turned to Bucky and held out his arms. After a few moment’s hesitation, Bucky accepted the hug, though it was clear he either didn’t want the hug or didn’t think he deserved it. Tony didn’t care. This was his party, and he’d hug whom he pleased, even the man formerly known as the Winter Soldier. If Bruce was here, he’d get the hugging of his life. Damn, it felt good to like himself again.

Tony sent the non-plussed Captain and his permanent plus one out to the deck to admire the decorations, while he stayed to greet the other guests. Right on schedule, Peter and May Parker arrived at seven-thirty. Tony complimented her little black cocktail dress and then took a step back to look at Peter. He twirled a finger, indicating Peter should do a spin. The kid looked sharp in the tailored Hermes suit that was Pepper’s present to him.

Peter in turn was bowled over by the party Pepper had arranged. The deck at the top of Avengers Tower had been transformed into a pirate ship by strings of tiny white bulbs on frames that formed illuminated masts and sails. Sword-carrying scalawags of all stripes offered drinks and canapes from trays that appeared to drip blood. The guest list was pretty special, too—several genuine superheroes and at least one god. He was sorry his friends from school couldn’t attend, but he understood, and anyway, they’d already had a party for him.

Steve and Bucky brought Peter a geode they’d found in Mexico. Because Bucky had lost the toss, Steve got to crack open the geode with his bare hands to reveal amethyst crystals. Thor and Jane gave Peter a lifetime membership in the Metropolitan Museum. Rhodey had found a vintage video game on eBay that Peter was crazy about. Black Widow gave him a kiss that made him blush and an arrowhead that Hawkeye had dug up on his ranch. After opening more presents, Peter cut the birthday cake that was shaped like a treasure chest.

As cake and ice cream were served, Tony came up behind Peter and spoke in his ear. “Meet me in my office,” he said before he walked away.

Peter followed a few minutes later, as soon as he was able to get away from Aunt May. “It’s me Peter,” he said from the open door.

“Come on in,” Tony invited.

“Thanks. That reminds me, I really want to thank you and Miss Potts for—”

“I’m afraid Pepper won’t be here,” Tony said.

“Oh, I know. She called me.”

Tony stopped fiddling with his new earring and stared at Peter. “She did?”

“Yeah. She wanted to wish me a happy birthday. She told me about the orphanage Stark Industries is building in Bosnia and how she’s overseeing the project. She’s the best, isn’t she, Mr. Stark?”

“She sure is.” Tony swallowed. “A little later, I want you tell me everything she said, but I brought you here because I wanted to give you my present in private.”

“I don’t need a present.”

“Still, I got you one, so—”

Peter held Tony’s gaze. “There’s only one thing I want from you, Mr. Stark.”

“Excuse me?”

“No, I won’t excuse you. I want you to stand there and be quiet while I say what I need to say.”

“Ohhh-kay, but I have to tell you, I’m feeling a wee bit anxious.”

Peter smiled. “Relax, Mr. Stark. I’m not a Midwich Cuckoo or anything like that. Hey, did you read that book? They made this awesomely cheesy movie from it. _Village of the Damned_. You ever see that one?”

Being somewhat used to Peter’s conversational swerves, Tony steered into it. He held out a hand just above knee-height. “Litter of little blonde badasses with laser eyes terrorizing a town?”

“Pretty much. I’m just saying I’m not hiding anything sinister.”

“What are you hiding?”

“Well, it’s like this. MJ says I need to fully explore my sexuality, before I—”

Tony held up a hand like a cop stopping traffic. “Whoa whoa whoa! Stop right there.”

“Why?”

Tony got a grip on himself. “You can’t just spring something like that on a person.”

“Right. My bad. So, anyway, MJ wants me to be, um, completely fulfilled and, uh, not afraid to express any of my… oh man, I forgot if she said—”

“Peter, I’ve never flattered myself that I’m any kind of father figure, and I’m frankly a little squicked by this conversation, but….”

“Yeah, she said you’d brush me off because you can’t or won’t see me as an adult.”

“MJ said that?”

“No, Miss Potts did.”

Tony’s eyes widened. “Just exactly what did the two of you talk about?”

“You, of course.”

Tony cleared his throat. “I’m not brushing you off.”

“You will though. I can’t see this going any other way, realistically, but I—I have to try, you know? This thing has really been bugging me, and I just have to _know_.”

“Okay.”

“Are you sure it’s okay?”

“How would that be possible since I don’t know what _it_ is?”

“So that’s what Miss Potts means when she says you’re maddening. Huh. I might start saying that. It sounds a heck of a lot more sophisticated than _you’re on my last nerve,_ don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I guess it does. So, what is it you want from me, kid?”

“Just… don’t move.” Peter came around Tony’s desk and Tony turned to face him. “Close your eyes, okay? I can’t do this with you looking at me.”

“Then you probably shouldn’t do it.”

“Come on, Mr. Stark. Cut me some slack. Don’t you trust me?”

Tony closed his eyes and almost opened them again when he felt Peter’s hands on his shoulders. He felt pressure and intuited that Peter was on tiptoe now. He felt Peter’s breath on his cheek and his eyes flew open. Peter gazed back at him from centimeters away.

“Peter?”

“Come on, Mr. Stark.”

Tony closed his eyes and waited. No matter what happened next, it was preferable to having the conversation he’d almost started. When Peter’s lips touched his, he wasn’t surprised by the contact, but his response to it knocked him for a loop. He did love this kid, but not the way he’d been afraid of. _Whew._ He put his arms around him and held on tight, silently vowing to protect him as well as Iron Man could. 

Peter returned the hug, tucking his head into the hollow of Tony’s shoulder. For several long moments, they leaned together in a shared embrace.

“Are we good?” Tony murmured into Peter’s hair.

“Uh, yeah.” Peter stirred and reluctantly let go. “Thanks for being such a good sport. I know what I need to know now. Really, thanks for letting me, you know, experiment on you. You’re the only one I trust enough to—you know.”

“Yeah, I know. It means a lot, but please don’t ever do that again.”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Stark,” Peter said firmly.

“That bad, huh?” Tony tried to make a joke of it.

“What? No! It wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t… right, you know? So yeah, I guess it was that bad.”

“Agreed. As much as I like weird… that was too weird.”

“Yeah. Like it was hot and then it was very not hot.” Peter made a face. “It just felt so wrong.”

“No harm, no foul,” Tony said. “But seriously, don’t ever do that again. Now can I give you my real present?”

“Good idea, Mr. Stark.”

“Just trying to make it a little less awkward.” Tony took the small, velvet-covered box from his pocket. He smiled at Peter’s comical expression. “It’s not an engagement ring,” he said.

Peter grinned.

Tony opened the box. “This is the compass my mom gave me on my eighteenth birthday. She said she wanted me to always be able to find my way home. I’d like you to have it for the same reason. Happy birthday, Peter.”

“Wow, it’s… it’s amazing. I can’t believe you want me to have it.”

“Well, I do.” Tony picked up the compass by the chain he’d had made for it. “Turn around.” He made a spinning motion with one finger. “I… care about you, Peter. I hope you know that,” he said as he closed the clasp.

Peter turned and put his arms around Tony. “Thank you,” he said. “I love you too.”

Tony held Peter close and he felt… complete. Whole. He knew now what he needed. Pepper was one smart lady, and he was going to tell her that in person. Very soon. And then they were going to start a family… or at least add to it.

“Okay, okay.” Tony let Peter go. “Go and enjoy the rest of your party. You only turn eighteen once and besides, I spent a crap-ton of money on this soiree, junior.”

“I can tell. Aunt May can’t even believe it. MJ probably won’t believe it.”

“Does she know? About your extracurricular activities?”

“Yeah. I told you she was smart. She figured it out in like a minute.”

“She sounds like a keeper. Bring her to the next Starkapalooza.”

“You bet, Mr. Stark.” Peter wrapped his fingers around the compass. “Thanks for the amazing gift. I’ll get out of your hair now.”

Tony watched him walk away with paternal pride. Peter looked happy and that made Tony happy. He watched Peter join Thor, Jane, and Nat, and he smiled when Bruce came over to sweep Peter into a hug. He was reaching for his glass when his wristband chimed. The number on the display wasn’t familiar, but he was feeling lucky.

“Hello, you’ve got Tony Stark on the line.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Pepper said. “But not an easy fish to land.”

“Oh my god! You actually called. I— I don’t know what to say.”

“You’ll think of something. You always do.”

“You don’t sound mad.”

Pepper chuckled. “It’s one of my many talents.”

Tony cleared his throat. “Can we talk about you coming home?”

“We can but not tonight. Tonight, I want to enjoy my world from a slight remove.”

“How slight?” Tony began scanning windows and rooftops.

Pepper’s laugh was throatier this time. “I’m not that far away. I’m currently lounging on a piece of furniture that’s much more comfortable than it looks. If you’re curious, I’m wearing the chocolate silk robe you gave me two Christmases ago. I’m enjoying a superb martini while I watch the festivities. I hope you enjoy the fireworks.”

“I’ve enjoyed some already, although enjoy might not be the right word. I miss you.”

“I’m sorry if I seem cruel to you, but—”

“Nope,” Tony interrupted. “I refuse to let you take any blame. This one is all on me.”

“I’d argue, but you’re right.”

“Pepper?”

“Yes, Tony?”

“I know what I want now, with all my heart.”

“Good. See you tomorrow.”

“Pep—” Tony began, but she had disconnected the call. He put the phone down on the desk and went outside to join the party in a much better mood.

“Dance!” Thor roared as soon as he spotted Tony walking onto the deck.

“No, thank you.” Tony held up his hands for all the good it did him. Thor swept him up and twirled him several times to the beat of something by Black-Eyed Peas.

“Stop molesting people,” Jane shouted at Thor.

“Nonsense.” Thor set Tony on his feet. “Everyone’s having a marvelous time!”

Tony turned to thank Jane for his rescue when he caught sight of an uninvited guest. He excused himself and hurried away.

At the other end of the deck, against a backdrop of twinkling lights, Wade Wilson, in full costume, was seriously invading Peter Parker’s personal space.

“So…,” Deadpool drawled. “I hear you’re legal.”


End file.
